


Deadly Emotions

by Insane1001



Category: No Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 14:39:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/901459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insane1001/pseuds/Insane1001





	Deadly Emotions

Deadly Emotions  
By Hayley Mortimer

Standing in a cold dark room going over memories in trying to calm yourself as you go through fit after fit of anger, staring into the mirror, staring at your reflection, at your dead cold looking eyes, you see yourself wondering ‘what am I doing.'

You try to calm yourself, taking a deep breath after deep breath as your fury grows and suddenly your arm moves of its own accord and then all you fell is a spike of pain in your right arm, letting your arm drop you lift your head to look at the wall across from you and seeing a smudge of blood you look down to see your knuckles dripping blood, the colour of crimson making a puddle on the ground. 

You sigh pitifully and slowly with your left arm turn on the cold water tap and lift your right arm to rinse the blood that is still dripping using the cold water you clean your knuckles, hissing when the cold water first touches the now raw and irritated red skin, but the pain soon leaves and soon there is no pain just a numb feeling, a feeling of stupidity and anger, a feeling of emptiness.

You remember the taunts, the insults, the laughs. How now one would hang out with you, how you would be teased, bullied just for being Different, liking different music and wearing different clothing. How they hurt you so much and how you could feel your heartbreak a little more each time until your heart could not break any more. You remember that you never cried, you never shed a tear for those heartless shadows that were still present in your life.

All you felt was a numbness, a dull numbness that felt as though it would never be filled.  
You slowly walked backwards until your back hit the wall, you then slowly slid down the wall and brought your knee’s to your chest and buried your head in the remaining space.  
You just sat there in silence as the hours passes, ignoring every thing, the return of the stinging pain in your knuckles or the numbness that started to form in your legs and lower back, as you just sat there.

After calming down you started to shift, your body slowly unfolding from the cramped position, as you stretched out your joints clicked and cracked. As you sat against the wall legs bent to the left at the knee and your arms sitting on your lap, you look down at your arms and as your eyes start to focus with the help of the sun rise coming through the window, you stare at your arms and the faint scars that cover the skin of your arms, the scars that only you and nobody else can see.

 

You whimper softly to yourself, your six months clean and now you were getting the urge, the urge to slice open your skin with something sharp and pointed, to watch your blood drip out of the self-inflicted wound. Pulling both your arms to your chest in a desperate act of self-control, pulling your legs back up you continued to hold your arms to your chest and you started to rock back and forwards trying to re-calm yourself, trying to rid yourself of the negative thoughts they continued to pop up in an endless stream of thoughts.

Tears starting to fall you sob and you uncurl your arms and fold them on top of your knee’s and place your head in your arms, your sobs continue to echo through out the room as you try to stop the endless stream of tears and of course nobody could hear you, as nobody cared enough to find out what was wrong.

Suddenly there is a furious bout of knocking on your front door making you jump, your eyes wide as you lift your head, the knocking continued, as you quickly scramble to your feet knocking your head on the cupboard before being able to stand on your weak limbs.

Opening the door to the dark room you had locked your self in, you quietly and slowly make your way to your front door, looking through the peeping hole you are filled with a large amount of relief as you see your best friend Cage standing outside with a face of worry, opening door you looked up to Cage’s Pale and worried face full of emotion and as soon as he saw you he leapt forward with your name on his lips and hugged you, muttering into your hair and just holding you against his chest. you smiled softly and then the emotions filled you up, the sadness, despair, self loathing and every thought that had gone through your mind, the barrier you had put up to stop yourself from breaking down broke and the emotions hit you like a train.

Your cheeks were soon wet with never ending tears and as you grabbed at his shirt you sobbed into his chest muttering broken apologies, dampening his shirt. Cage just whispered into you hair  
“I thought you had done something...or was going to do something stupid I was so worried” your apologies just made him reassure you that he wasn’t going anywhere.

A few hours passed and they found you and Cage lying on the coach you barely awake and his hands softly rubbing your back as it had taken just a single hour to calm you down and another hour to calm cage down. 

Cage then asked if he could spend the night, you having a few slightly negative flash backs and memories float through your mind reminding you of earlier, whole heartily agree to the idea so after an hour or two talking, eating dinner and talking some more, you suggest that it is time for you both to head to bed.  
You both get up and you lead him to the guest room and after he closes the door after saying good night you slowly go back to the door that entered the room you had locked your self in earlier, opening the said door you look into the now creepy dark room turning on the light, and as you slowly step through the door way the room seemed to get Eerie, you shiver slightly and quickly cross the room to get to your cupboard so you can change.

After you change you slowly walk over to the light switch and turn off the light, turning slightly you wait until your eyes adjust to the sudden darkness and then move across the room to slowly sit down on the bed, pushing aside your already crumpled covers, you hesitantly move into the fetal position and blindly reach out for the edge of the covers that you had pushed away not moments before, as to pull them up and over yourself, you were then covered up to the chin, and your eyes slowly closed and you drifted of to sleep.

 

Lurching forward in your sleep, with a silent scream stuck in your throat, sitting upright covered in sweat you start to tremble and whimper as the night terrors go through their routine of torturing you in your sleep once again, you try to calm your body but the vivid images and memories that flow past your eyes won’t let you calm yourself, you tremble harder and you emit more whimpers from your mouth, quickly standing you stumble to the bathroom that is linked to your bedroom and turn on the light hoping that it will help you with the vivid images floating through your mind. Help you tame the Night Terrors that are Floating through your mind and are hiding behind every corner every soul. 

It does not help if could be said it made them worse.

In a desperate act of desperation you not realizing what you were doing, all you wanted was for the nightmares to stop, the memories to just disappear and to stop being so scared. 

In a desperate act of futileness you grab the counter and flinging open the cupboard which holds all your old medication and as the light from the bathroom hit it and you saw the glint of shining silver, the gleam of metal hiding near the back you reach forward and grab it and bringing it out, you hiss in pain as you shifted it in your hand opening your hand you see the colour of blood shaking away your thoughts you see the cut you have made in your hand, and you relish in the painful relief that the cut gives you, and before you know it you have grabbed the razor again, it looks deadly know covered in blood you run it under cold water to clean it and then you don’t even hesitate as you run the sharp edge against your skin, you watch as the skin slowly breaks and the blood starts to flow, you sigh at the pleasant feeling and soon you are making more incisions, switching arms you continue.

Then you realize what you had done, looking down at your arms all you see is the colour of crimson and torn cut up flesh, you start to stumble towards the door, reaching for the handle you start to sway, opening the door you stand in the door frame and then lean against it and slide down. The blood spilling from your arms is starting to make a puddle around you and before you know it you are nearly soaked in blood and as you slowly start to drift off in to unconsciousness you here your door open and as you look out of the corner of your eye all you can see it the tall figure of Cage, as he starts to run towards you in flurry of actions he grabs the towel that is behind your door and presses it to both your arms and quickly grabs his mobile and dials triple zero and quickly gives the address and the situation in a panicked and fast voice. When he hangs up he starts to talk to you in a panicked voice telling you to stay awake, keep your eyes open, help will be here soon and more whenever you start to close your eyes he would be their telling you to hold on even tighter and that he wasn’t going to loose you any time soon and he would make sure of that.

That’s when you heard the sirens you didn’t have enough energy left to lift your head but Cage did and you knew it was a good sign when he whispered ‘thank god.' As you heard them stopping you squeezed Cage’s hand his head immediately went to your face and he whispered “don’t worry, hold on there nearly here” you smiled in return and whispered “I'm not leaving you any time soon” and then you closed your eyes succumbing to the darkness that had been pulling at your conscience for the last few minutes. Before your mind goes blank the last thing you hear is Cage screaming and you drift off into the black abyss.

You wake up a considerable time later, lying there you keep your eyes closed as you listen to the sounds around you and immediately know you are still one with the universe, you hear steady breathing near your head and a beeping heart monitor and you feel a rough, hard worked and scarred hand grasping yours. You hesitantly start to open your eyes, when the light hits them you groan and bring your arms up to cover your eyes, your eye’s burning at the appearance of the light.

When your eye’s are used to the light you fully open your eyes and you look to the side and see the tousled headful of hair that belongs to cage. Smiling softly, you sit back and watch him as he starts to wake up and starts to mumble and as the realization hits him, he shoots up his eyes darting to wear you are meant to be lying. His eyes grew large as he realized you were awake, his mouth starts to move but no sound is coming out and you giggle softly and he leaps and brings you forward into a hug.  
“Never do that to me again” he whispered into your hair as your head rested on his shoulder, you nodded on and smiled and closed your eyes and then you opened your mouth and apologized.  
“I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to, I...I Just panicked and I just wanted every thing to go away and my memories to disappear and then I realized what I had done I'm so sorry, so sorry”  
By this time you had started to sob, your tears falling and mingling with the fabric of the shirt he was wearing.

Once your sobs had subsided, you hesitantly look down at your know bandaged arms and can only image what was under them, that was when Cage took the opportunity to speak.  
“there was so much blood and your arms...your arms were like they had been through a meat shredder, they looked awful, I was so scared that I was going to loose you” you saw the silent tears falling like crystals from his eyes, you rarely saw cage cry and when you did you hated it because he never made any sounds he just let the tears fall and you wouldn’t know if he was crying unless you were looking directly at his face.

A few hours later you were back at your house with Cage who both you and he agreed would be best for him to stay until you were fixed, you turned looking up at him and smiled and he looked down and smiled back and he wrapped his arms around you and whispered in your ear.  
“Its going to be okay, you are going to get better, don’t worry”

 

You looked up again and smiled and whispered

“Thank you”


End file.
